Understanding Narcissism
Original Publish Date: 7/31/21
Hope you are staying cool during this hot summer. If you’re on the West Coast of the U.S., I hope you get some rain soon.
This week, we’ve been focused on our kids’ schooling. After one year of homeschooling, Kevin and I realize we aren’t wired to be FT teachers. But I’m also hesitant about my kids attending public school (for a variety of reasons).
Education is important to me but it’s not everything. (I can personally say that after going to the #1 public university in the world.) When you’re in the mental hospital because life got in the way, you could care less about where your degree came from.
The world is changing so quickly and helping my kids grow to be their own person (and thinking on their own) is absolutely critical. Having them practice grit and understanding opportunity costs with each decision made is important to me.
There was a 70-year study on what proved to show the best future outcomes for children. Of the 70,000 children studied for 70 years, the number one commonality was parents showing up.
We spend more time with our children than generations prior but the quality of that time matters. We found an unschooling school that has our son going for 3 days. I’m hoping that having my children home more days than being at school, will allow us to have more time and memories together.
Okay, off my worry box. I have immense respect for homeschooling parents and teachers. Teaching kids is a behemoth of a task.
Social Media Highlight of the Week
This week on social media, I deviated from my gut series to talk about narcissism.
We can all be narcissistic at times but a clinically defined narcissist is different. It’s not easy to identify narcissists. Just like seeing the tip of an iceberg, a narcissist doesn’t show their true self until you’re already too close.
I’ve been hurt by narcissists in the past. The way I dealt with these narcissists was by completely cutting them out of my life. It wasn’t easy but it was absolutely the best decision.
Not everyone can cut off narcissists. In the social media post and in our Cutting Against the Grain podcast, we discuss ways to handle narcissists.
On the Cutting Against the Grain podcast, @lauraespath and I had the pleasure of chatting with our friend, @coachjessyca.
🌟We talk about how healing from disordered eating sometimes comes down to fear (not being good enough) and even being surrounded by narcissists.
🦄Narcissism is a scary thing, especially when you’re under the veil of someone’s “tip of the iceberg.” They seem like the perfect person. You even feel excitement about being a part of their lives.
🐍But as you’re around the narcissist, things don’t seem as picture-perfect over time. You may feel lost or depleted. You feel guilty or not good enough. You feel like you have to try harder and you just don’t understand why.
🚨You may get deeper into your less-than-ideal habits (e.g., food, alcohol, drugs).
Well, you may be dealing with a narcissist.
⚖️Being in management consulting for 12 years and now the social media space has blessed (and cursed) me with the ability to meet a lot of people in a short amount of time.
🥀I’ve run into narcissists and they’ve even hurt me deeply. Their passion and charisma drew me in but their self-centered, controlling, and lying tendencies made the questioning in me grow.
⚠️Once I realized the narcissistic play, it all made sense.
How to Handle a Narcissist
❌BOUNDARIES. ZERO CONTACT
Narcissists want all control and need to be the center of attention. If you show zero care for the person, they will lose “power.”
💔But all of us can’t cut the person fully out of our lives (e.g., boss, parent-child relationship, spouse)
🪨GRAY ROCK METHOD
With the Gray Rock Method, you don’t overtly try to avoid contact with the narcissist. Instead, you allow contact but only give boring, monotonous responses so that they go elsewhere for their supply of drama, adoration, and attention.
🐶REWARD GOOD BEHAVIOR
Since narcissists survive off compliments, give them attention when they show positive behavior. Both parties get positive outcomes.
🕵🏻♂️It’s not easy to detect a narcissist. In the podcast, we talk about specific examples. Figuring this out may bring you healing.
In health,
Judy
